The Sex Hair Type

We all know what it is, we maybe just never articulated it. Most Laker girls and Dallas cowboy cheerleaders have it. Angelina Jolie has won many a married man with it. Women over the decades have quickened pulses with it, from Rita Hayworth to Elle Macpherson. It's that long, tousled, slightly unkempt mane a woman sports for the wild feminine look my friend J-dub has labeled "sex hair."

The just-out-of-bed look is most recently spotted on Catherine Keener in the summer flick phenom, "The 40 Year Old Virgin" (concept alone will merit its own blog soon to come). A male coworker confessed that he and his friend made the do a major topic of discussion post-viewing, and another chimed in that her man also mentioned "really liking her hair." Sex hair has somehow snuck under the radar of desired features, falling a far third to the two more cliche body parts. But never underestimate the power of hair. That is, of course, if you are into that sort of power.

Personally, I find it ironic that women with a full head of thick, abundant hair are constantly doing all they can to control it: straight perming, layering, learning the exact length it can't go shorter than or you'll risk having UFO-head. The natural look takes a ton of product. Would men be so taken with those flowing locks if they had to wait hours and spend hundreds to perfect it? Is that what broke up Ben and J.Lo?


To men: A fantasy
To women: A nightmare of conditioner

Starting from SCRATCH

As my roommate situation is officially in flux and I've already lost one to the inland empire, I'm also finishing up my third DJ class, Scratch 202. There are certain seasons in life that are signified by change -- and by change I mean a loss of the way relationships were before and the beginning of some new ones.

At such times as this, there's nothing like a little music therapy. Here are a few that come to mind that have helped me get through some beginnings and ends, or seasons of relationships. I personally have found it therapeutic to make mixes out of transitional times. Of course, I do wanna be a DJ...

Breakup? Jon Brion's "Ruin My Day" (Meaningless), John Legend's "Used to Love You" (Get Lifted), Radiohead's "Let Down"
Transition? Keane's "Everybody's Changing" (Hopes and Fears)
Getting over relationship? Howard Jones' "Everlasting Love," Voice of the Beehive's "Adonis Blue" (Honey Lingers)
Your issues? The Bangles' "If She Knew What She Wants" (Different Light), Billy Joel's "She's Always a Woman" (The Stranger)
Nostalgia? Oingo Boingo's "We Close Our Eyes" (Boi-ngo)
Saying goodbye? "For Good" (Wicked soundtrack)
Frustrated? New Order's "Love Less," James' "Say Something" (Laid)
Family whatever? Kanye West's "Family Business" (College Dropout)
Comfort song? Stevie Wonder's "Knocks Me Off My Feet" (Close of the Century collection)

I think everyone has their own soundtrack -- or if you're like me, multiple ones. Not all of these are even good songs. Sometimes it just takes a killer beat with the right resonant phrase. Seriously -- thank God for music.


Break it down like this.

Crushless in August

I don't know what that says. You might say it's healthy that there's no male object of fantasy, especially after last month's acknowledgement of idealization issues. You might say having a series of nightmares about past boyfriends and their self-centeredness or some recent close-but-not-really options has tired me to the gender in general. Or maybe in a month soon to come I'll actually have a real crush, who can say.

But like Jennifer Aniston, I've been through therapy, I'm learning to deal, and I still believe in happily ever after (with some hard work, of course).

On Being 20...For the Last Time

Turning 29 -- I'm told -- is actually worse than turning 30. 29 is the oldest year of your 20s, whereas 30 is the very bottom of your 30s. Yeah, I don't really buy it either. At 29, I'm in my last year of quasi-youth (and quickly losing it).

At the same time, I certainly will not miss the decade of much self-imposed angst, drama and general confusion about my identity. You enter your 20s thinking you have it all figured out with a nice laundry list of goals to achieve by the big 3-0. You leave them realizing you are probably just about starting adulthood. Career path: uncheck. Life's calling: uncheck. Marriage: uncheck. Prospects: TBD.

But according to Psalm 139, my whole life was intimately mapped out for me before I was even born. And I can proudly say as I enter my 30th year of life, that that makes me breathe a nice big sigh of relief. It means I don't have to give in to the sex-and-power-driven rules this world abides by -- and meanwhile, the possibilities of where laundry-list items 1-4 can go are endless. As I read meaningful notes written to me from a few close friends today, I felt one thing only: grateful. Grateful I made it through another year without giving in, grateful to have real friendships that have withstood some pretty hard times, grateful that my life with God gives me a future with hope as I've seen hope crumble over many others' terrible 20s. I'm less in control than I've ever been...and it feels great.


Me clinging for dear life on a Sit 'n' Spin. Things can only go up from here.

What is Good

Meanwhile the Emperor Penguins are doing great. There is hope left in this world.


You know that girl who obsesses over anything cuddly and non-human? I'm so not that girl -- but I can't find fault with this little bun. Apparently neither can millions of movie watchers.

Jenifa, Oh Jenny

Stop the presses. Jennifer has spoken.

Hearing snippets of the article that is on it's way to my mailbox, I don't deny it, only confirms what my ESP already told me about the Brennifer fallout. Contrast Jenifa's vulnerability with Brad's vague talk of their altered form of love and I don't know what with Angelina, and I gotta say badly done, Brad. Badly done.

Thing is, there will always be someone hotter out there. Jude did it to Sienna, Brad to Jennifer and there are countless other stories. Of course, that also means that there's someone even hotter than Angelina and the Nanny, too. It comes down to that damn human you-can-never-get-enough-of-what-you-don't-really-need nature.

Other headlines today: Renee Zellweger is Having Marriage Problems and Jessica and Nick Rumored to Have Filed for Divorce. Those are both big shockers, I know.

July Crush, Post-Script

A couple of honorable mentions for July's Crush of the Month...

1. I finally saw Batman Begins and must concur with tpb, that Christian Bale is one tasty morsel of a superhero. If anyone else out there can kick Liam Neeson's ass while lisping his way through the dialogue and pull it off like it ain't no thing, I will also call you hot. And how adorable is a man who says this: I enjoy saying "my wife." I made a guy apologize to her the other night because he was rude. After saying, "You, apologize to my wife," I couldn't stop laughing because it felt great to say it.

2. Last month marked what would have been Tupac Shakur's 34th birthday. Having just watched Tupac: Resurrection, I became a fan all over again -- only this time in more of that obsessed and in love kind of way. Just kidding -- but not really. The guy had enough charisma, talent, leadership and straight heart to become the most influencial rap artist in history. I live in the hood -- we've all got love for Pac. He alone can rap about being a player and actually keep my respect. Because he's not glorifying it, it's just real. Special features also show Snoop Dogg attributing Pac as the one who saved his marriage. Now if only my boys would take that one in.


Man in the cape


Man in the hood

P.P.S. How much more unavailable are a married superhero and a dead man? It's all in July's Crush Theme I suppose.

For Your Reading Pleasure

...and my reading pain.

Bloggers Learn the Price of Telling Too Much

Thanks to homeslice JV for this link.

Worst Comes to Worst, My Peoples Come First

There's nothing like a trip home to remind you where all of your psychosis comes from. I learned the following on my visit with the 'rents last week:

1. The countries of Asia jointly signed a secret pact rejecting all schools of thought regarding psychology, that may or may not have been lifted by now.
2. What the world needs now -- in addition to love, sweet love -- is some really good listeners.
3. When you put a man and woman together, there many mathematical combinations of dysfunction, but also some room for some killer qualities (if you're lucky).

The Celebrity Dating Scene

A few months ago, before Brangelina blew over, a coworker overheard a couple of gals at her health club gabbing about one of their dates that night -- a setup with Brad Pitt. (Note: The girl was Asian. It really could have been me.) Now, friend JJ Fad may be set up with a former big dog pro-athlete.

I think we've all clued into the fact that America really is not the land of opportunity, nor is Hollywood the place where dreams come true. But only in LA are you really six degrees within dating a celebrity. Of course the catch is, they're just people too.

Now Luke (Wilson), will you please call me?

No Sex Quotes

"You know how I said before I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons than alone for the right? I'd rather be right." -- Amanda Jones, Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)

Back in the day when John Hughes rocked my world of movies, and the Brat Pack spoke the profound truths about our generation's insecurities, fears and cover-ups (hello, Andie Walsh), Howard Deutsch directed this brilliant one -- one of John Hughes' most underrated.


Keith: You always hurt the ones you love. Watts: So when are you going to beat the shit out of Amanda Jones?

July "Un-Crush" of the Month: Agent Jack Bauer

This is a special edition of "Crush of the Month." Yes, I am in love with Jack Bauer. But I say "uncrush" because this love is the kind that actually reveals something messed up about the way I process love.

Jack Bauer is an agent with the CTU -- counter terrorist unit -- on the hit FOX series 24. As my co-obsessed friends and I were indulging in the first of two 4-6 hour marathons over the weekend (as 24 should rightly be ingested), I professed my love for the ever-dedicated, badass-yet-selflessly-caring, gentle with women but can interogate/torture the bad guys like no one else, and of course with the brain of a street-smart strategic genius. Much to my shock, cohort Bahn Mi spit out, "Why? He's got emotional issues." And in a simple exchange, I was cut to the heart.

Somehow, FOX TV has created a quintessential fantasy man, covered him in chocolate and sprinkled him with a miracle or two for this BAK. He's hot, he's intense, he's deep -- but he's (ding, ding) emotionally unavailable.


I'll gladly drop and give you 20, Jack.


Who is this international man of mystery?

So because I've already declared to myself and you all that I'm kicking the Woman Drug habit, I must call this one an "uncrush." It was never meant to be.

Bennifer Schmennifer

Now that no one actually cares, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have indeed tied that knot. That's a real noble gesture for Ben to have actually married the woman he impregnanted months ago. We'll see how long this one lasts. Hollywood is the new ghetto.

I have to wonder if J.Lo feels extra slighted by the fact that he chose another Jennifer in her stead, and that she's white. I guess at the end of the day, as much time as he may have spent slathering Bain de Soleil in tanning salons, Ben could never be brown either.

Are Christians Actual People?

Case 1: At the Michael Jackson trial, I was reminded of how Christians will use every high-profile opportunity to wave signs like "You're going to hell" or "Jesus is the only way for you sorry motherf*ckers" (okay, not in so many words) in some socially retarded attempt to get their message across. Whether that's the actual message of God's soul-fulfilling love and beyond-our-comprehension ability to change us or just a person's own agenda to control and feel superior really depends on the particular messenger. Regardless, don't we know that it's just plain weird? Some boys in my hood that are part of the youth group I used to lead had a run-in with a Bible-beater at their school bus stop who told them they were going to hell -- he must have just assumed they were because of their ethnicity and the way they dressed. One boy said he would have socked the dude if he wasn't carrying a Bible. Oh, the sad irony.

Case 2: This whole Southern Baptist movement to boycott Disneyland for its providing benefits to gay employees has me utterly speechless. Yay to the Southern Baptists for finally ending the 8-year movement -- what a victory for the one gesture of not blatantly hating people.

It sure gets tiring to have to defend a group of people you in theory identify yourself with, but in practice are at such odds with when it comes to person-to-person values that are clearly repeated in the actual book known as the Bible. How about spending some of that time actually loving someone or learning how to relate to people different from you? Or is that too liberal a value?

One word: WHY

Being Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are also calling it quits professionally, parting ways on their joint production company, Plan B.

I wonder why we can't seem to get enough of hearing about the Jen-Brad-Angie triangle. Do we secretly love that Jennifer Aniston, the funny and beautiful, just got dumped? Does Brangelina make us feel like our issues aren't so bad after all, because at least we had the decency to wait two months before making our move -- or did we do the same thing and now we see beautiful, perfect people doing it too? Or like me, does it make you feel better about the times you felt rejected or humiliated or heartbroken, because clearly men are crazy if they throw away even a Rachel Green -- and at least your breakup wasn't published in every known media outlet?

Either way, I don't envy Jen right about now. It's bad enough when friends are insensitive to how a breakup -- much less a divorce -- may affect you. How much worse to have journalists you don't even know giving you love advice, like you should date Vince Vaughn (player and alleged jerk -- sorry man).

By the way, Brad, we suggest you ditch the faux-towhead look. Unless you're also planning on bleaching your eyebrows.


Split headshot: The official media sign for "breakup."

U2, Tribe Called Quest and Rev. Brenda Salter McNeil

I am one of the rare breed that actually likes to be preached at -- but it's gotta be good stuff. Not like meaningless, vague Bible-ese that sometimes gets thrown from the pulpit. For those who have no concept of why this is appealing, the closest I can compare it to would be attending a live show of a band you love: there is something about the music that moves your soul, the words and beat that your whole being can resonate with a "Now, that's right." You know there's nothing better than what you're hearing right then, that it's hard to duplicate the feeling and experience to those not present, other than to fellow worshippers of the band. (Do I hear a hey? Do I get a yo?)

This morning I heard a sermon entitled, "The Power of Weakness." Now that's something that makes me want to listen on. If ever asked what compels me to continue living what very few understand, this topic might be it. For a person who in general wears her heart on her sleeve (and sometimes gets herself in trouble for it), and has delved into situations and conversations that have called for honesty or unabashed apology (and not always met with the same), the word of God's power showing up only when we are weak is a word that brings makes me exhale.

Our democratic culture of so-called freedom and equal opportunity (don't even get me started on that one) says: achieve and succeed, your happiness depends on you -- your charm, your looks, your sex appeal, your social skills, your money, your ability to manipulate, your this your that, and for sure your strength in all of the above. Draining. I'm glad I follow a God that says the least will be on top, and those who are in touch with and admit the whole truth of their weakness and hand it over will get props in a big way -- especially since it will always be a ballsy move, no one ever does this. Now that's pretty good security for me, given my laundry list of issues...

Does this sound like the perfect relationship to you? I mean seriously, when does weakness and neediness equal security with a man?

Katie Officially Joins the Dark Side

Tom proposes to Katie Holmes

I was wrong -- I overestimated Tom Cruise. I thought they would be engaged a couple of months from now. But apparently, when Tom told EW, "It's gonna happen," in an eerie whisper (really, no one should ever be whispering in an interview -- there is no valid reason), he also meant "I'm crazier than you even think." My friend BBB thinks that everytime Nicole has a movie out, he does something extravagant. I can definitely see that. But seriously, what gives? I also think it's funny that people are still asking, "Is this a publicity stunt?" God people, wake up. It's much worse than that.

What I want to know is, don't either of them have even one friend or family member that will ask some basic questions, like "How many days have you actually known this person -- not counting movies you've seen them in"? Aren't Tom's friends concerned that he's now engaged to a minor (well, practically)? Has our culture really reached a point where it's that taboo to intervene in the lives of the people we love when we see something is wrong? I have know of people who will let friends get married when they know for a fact that someone is already cheating. I for one would speak up for things seen as much more minor but are equally serious in the realm of character and integrity. But those things have become as meaningless to us as commitment and vulnerability. (ooh -- ya burn!)

Lessons in Blogging

"In about 50 years you might start doin' some thinkin' on your own and by then you'll realize there are only two certainties in life... One, don't do that." -- Will Hunting, 1997

When I first started this blog, a friend of mine told me she admired my bravery in having my name attached to my blog, and that she's rather die than disclose her identity on hers. Her close friends and family for the most part didn't know it existed, giving her full safety to vent.

Well now that I'm about 5 months into my blogging career, and though I'm not about to commit suicide, I sure do see the wisdom in that. I suppose I have committed forms of suicide with certain people. Although I didn't start out wanting my blog to be a venting ground, the forum of being able to write whatever you damn well want to just sort of beckons for honesty. I'm sure if most people published their journal or innermost thoughts, they might also step on some toes.

So after a couple of extended stays in the shithouse, I'm realizing it's too late now. But now I'm much more careful about what I say and who I say it to, even if it's just "people in general." I guess it's good to be kept in check by your own dumb mistakes -- and definitely an exercise in letting go of things and people you can't control.


If only life stayed this simple...

Michael, Did You Do It?

Found not guilty on all 10 counts, the King of Pop once again evades the rules that apply to all other human beings. (Yes, I think he really did it.)

Those giving legal commentary say that there's nothing lonelier than being in the seat of the defendant, and that to be granted a not guilty verdict is like being told you've been cured of cancer and are free again. I found it an interesting comparison. I've known that feeling just being a human being in relationship with God. But it does take being in that lonely seat first in order to understand it. However in mine, and maybe other's cases, we know we're guilty, and it doesn't matter a damn thing what other people think. If a random group of 12 people just told me whatever I had done was okay or that I hadn't done it, it simply wouldn't be enough to make it actually go away.


What happened?

Would You Trust Russell Crowe?

Because apparently his wife doesn't.

From the AP on AOL News:
"I'm, you know, trying to fill my basic obligations to my wife who needs to know that I'm at home, I'm in bed, I haven't had too much to drink and, primely important, that I'm alone,'' he said.

Being a husband and father away from home is "a level of abject loneliness that I'm not used to at all,'' he said.

But, as his wife said, that's not much of an excuse because millions of dads have to travel, he said.

Then again, with couples like Tom & Nicole and Brad & Jennifer breaking up everyday, and being in a business where your husband is paid to get naked and make out with other attractive women, would you?