July "Un-Crush" of the Month: Agent Jack Bauer

This is a special edition of "Crush of the Month." Yes, I am in love with Jack Bauer. But I say "uncrush" because this love is the kind that actually reveals something messed up about the way I process love.

Jack Bauer is an agent with the CTU -- counter terrorist unit -- on the hit FOX series 24. As my co-obsessed friends and I were indulging in the first of two 4-6 hour marathons over the weekend (as 24 should rightly be ingested), I professed my love for the ever-dedicated, badass-yet-selflessly-caring, gentle with women but can interogate/torture the bad guys like no one else, and of course with the brain of a street-smart strategic genius. Much to my shock, cohort Bahn Mi spit out, "Why? He's got emotional issues." And in a simple exchange, I was cut to the heart.

Somehow, FOX TV has created a quintessential fantasy man, covered him in chocolate and sprinkled him with a miracle or two for this BAK. He's hot, he's intense, he's deep -- but he's (ding, ding) emotionally unavailable.


I'll gladly drop and give you 20, Jack.


Who is this international man of mystery?

So because I've already declared to myself and you all that I'm kicking the Woman Drug habit, I must call this one an "uncrush." It was never meant to be.