Letting Go of Sherbatsky

In season 1 of "How I Met Your Mother," there is an episode where character Robin Sherbatsky begins dating a seemingly great guy: He's handsome, attentive, easygoing and totally into her. Throughout the epidsode though, we see Robin struggling. She feels cramped by his eagerness to do things together, and uncomfortable being part of a couple. There is one scene in particular that captures this. After a pep talk with her best friend about needing to let go of herself a little and embrace the "togetherness" of couple-dom, Robin takes the giant step of deciding to share an ice cream sundae with her boyfriend. But throughout the conversation, she keeps qualifying all of his "we" statements back into "you" and "I"s. As Robin attempts to share the sundae, she finds herself pulling it for herself, until finally she creates a diversion to distract her date so that she can finish the sundae off.

From the first time I watched this plot unfold, I felt like I was watching myself, all the way down to the cherry on the sundae. I have become very comfortably independent. And if I were to be honest, I like that at the end of the day I call the shots on my life and there's no complication of another person's needs, preferences or issues to consider. I give myself gladly to my friends and those I love, but if I need my alone time or have other things to tend to, in the back of my mind I know I can just leave. I like my own sundae with the flavors and toppings just the way I like them.

The problem is, there's not much room for someone else in Sherbatsky land. And more recently, I've become aware of how used to it I've become, and protective of losing myself to someone else. But in the world of real relationships, you must create room for someone else, as they create room for you. Their cares become yours, their needs become your concern, their issues become things you must work through -- together.

Like many other singles, I like the idea of dating and becoming a "we" with someone else. But deep down, the thought of letting go of my single comforts makes me a little anxious. At least I know it must be done. It has made it to my to-do list.