There Are No Good Women Out There

No, I haven't become a lesbian. But the phrase, "There are no good guys out there" is one that we've all heard somewhere before, and if you're a woman, you've probably said it at least once. I was once an avid user of the phrase myself, starting late high school and peaking at about age 22. When all is said and done, I was a habitual user for about half my life, really.

But two years ago, the dark year happened. It was my second year of counseling and things were really picking up momentum, especially since it coincided with a non-boyfriend situation that taught me how bad a girl's issues can blind her to the obvious (this is a lesson we women must learn at least three times before actually getting). As a result, I have started to see the -- er -- one-sidedness of that catch-phrase, which often operates as a crutch for women with some form of big fat relationship fear or a pretty comparable sized lack of self-awareness. So here is my letter of apology to single men at large, washed down with a gulp of pride:

Dear Men,
This is a confession. Women have issues. We sometimes judge you by impossible to meet standards. Or worse yet, expect good things out of emotionally unavailable men when the emotionally available are totally out there initiating, then call you all "no good" (isn't that stereotyping?). We acknowledge that several factors in the last couple of decades have increased the challenge for men -- the rise of feminism and an increase in dad issues has blurred lines of who initiates and when, what's too much and what's too little, put the responsibility for our self-worth and well-being unfairly into your hands, and overall just not cut you much slack. This doesn't excuse passivity, selfishness, egotism and certainly not dishonesty, but it does acknowledge that 1. not all of you are like that and 2. for every man with any of the above issues, there is a woman to toy with your mind, blow you off for reasons you don't understand and are not communicated to you, or play into your issues by squelching her own identity and not being real with you. And that warrants an honest to goodness apology.

Yours truly (because "Love" would be too gray and undefined),
A Sympathetic (but not a sucker) Woman

P.S. Actually, the one that would really get me if I were in your shoes -- okay, it pisses me off even not being in your shoes -- are those girls who will fool you into believing they are your dream woman and then treat others that are close to you like shit because they feel threatened by them. My advice would be to heed the warning signs and back away from this particular type. That's a mind game you can't win.