How many people do you know who seem to go from non-relationship to non-relationship? Instead of dating, they engage in "not-dating" with someone they are attracted to -- often mutual attraction -- prolonging the mystery of their non-boyfriend and keeping his fear of commitment and issues of self-centeredness or emotional infancy at a comfortable arms-length. Men are equally glad to not-date a woman they are attracted to, but avoid any neediness or demand for change.
Sound convenient? Problem is, the end is equally messy on one or both sides and responsibility for hurting your non-boyfriend or non-girlfriend is then conveniently avoided. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Often involves non-infidelity.
As an ex-non-girlfriend, I could go on a tirade about what effers all non-boyfriends are. But like relationships, it takes two people to be in a non-relationship: the fantasizer who doesn't want to accept the ineptitude of their non-boyfriend and the paralytic who can't commit to something that will actually require commitment. To blame either person entirely is neither here nor there.
The Cure: Some therapy, serious swallowing of pride, and the healing power of God. Recovering fantasizers will go from feeling worthless -- especially when your non-boyfriend gets an actual girlfriend -- to coming to a place of taking healthy responsibility for your actions. You realize how much you overestimated yourself and your non-boyfriend, and that an actual relationship with the person would be more like being a mom than an object of affection. You realize you deserve better, and maybe so does he. But the fully recovered pick themselves up, dust themselves off and look for a real relationship next time.
"Being single...there's a certain dignity to it." -- Singles, 1992
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