The Worst Part

I have never been one of those people who could pretend nothing was the matter. I might be able to fool people for a few minutes who don't know me very well. But as I walked around today with what felt like a lead weight in my chest, I tried to avoid most conversation and eye contact -- for anyone who really knows me, this isn't very me behavior.

But the worst part is not even that, in 6th grade terms, the boy I like likes someone else. Or that this girl epitomizes everything I strive not to be. The worst part is that I was so wrong in my judge of character yet again, and find myself in an all too familiar place I swore I'd never be again. In the movie "Singles," Campbell Scott's character experiences rejection and processes aloud, "I trusted my instincts and I was wrong... Wrong, the opposite of right." 

And although I can learn more lessons from this round, down for the count once again, and continue to comb through where my judgment derailed, at a certain point I also know that sometimes hurt just happens.  It is the inevitable risk you run when you put your heart out there.  

I'm confident that my past experiences and lessons will help me get through this round faster, though there's a lot to work through. Someday, even this shall pass. But for today, the many questions felt like one big rock in my heart.