Denial, the Long Running River

It's never easy to be shaken out of something you had hoped for, no matter how much you have tried to stay level-headed about it.

I had my hopes dashed today about someone I had ventured to open my heart just a little bit to. And though I had been asking for a sign about it from God, I was in no way prepared for the answer, as much as I had convinced myself that I was. Sometimes it's only when you get a negative answer that you are forced to admit how invested you got in an unsure thing.

Still, I have to admit that my own attraction to the guy you can't read is somewhat responsible. Though I wanted to believe I had been cured, here I am again on the other side wondering how I missed the signs -- everything always clearer in hindsight.

One thing is clear: When a guy chooses someone so completely the opposite of you, you have to breathe somewhat of a sigh of relief. If that's what he wanted all along, he never would have loved and appreciated the things you have grown to love and appreciate about yourself. And that is not someone you could ever be happy with.

But the rubble of disappointment remains. I have to believe that God will be with me once again to pick up the pieces, and heal me again.