As I have pondered my singleness lately, I have realized that as many times I have been interested in a guy who is not that into me, there even more guys I have come across that I'm just not that into.
A few years ago, whether or not I was attracted to someone felt like a big, muddled mess. I couldn't distinguish what reasons I liked this guy and not the other -- was it based on my issues and need to either be in control or take care of someone? Or was it because he was actually a good guy? My track record spoke more of the former.
But now, after my first healthy attraction in years, I can say with new confidence that growth has happened in my person. The fact that nothing has actually come of it is almost irrelevant. The good news is that I can actually trust myself again, and it's possible for me to be attracted to someone who has good character and love for God, as much as chemistry with me, sense of humor and common interests. Not like the disaster of 2003. Or of 1997. Or of 1992. But I digress. I must also concede that there have been interested guys that are perfectly good ones, but I'm just not that into them. And I take responsibility for how that has also kept me single over the years. No regrets either way.
My behavior in dating can be likened to my behavior in looking for jobs. In both areas, I get advice from everyone to cast the seed as widely as possible, and make myself open to many options. But I think I'm more in the phase of figuring out what I want and what my non-negotiables are. And though I'm trying to be open, and definitely not foolishly investing all my hopes into one job (or man), at heart I think I'm just a one-man, one-job-at-a-time kind of girl. And that's okay for now.
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