The Worthwhile Wait

I hate waiting. There is nothing like bad traffic or long lines to bring out the expletives. But the more I've thought about it, the more I realize life is all about waiting. When a major life threshold is crossed, there is always something new to wait for. In a larger sense, we are always in waiting for a thing that is bigger and grander than what we have now. But waiting is a constant reminder that we are not in control. And that pushes my buttons.

A problem with waiting may look on the surface like impatience or anxiety. But underneath it, I see in myself a fear of being disappointed the way I've been in the past, and an anticipation that it will only happen again. My fear is that my needs and desires go unnoticed by God and I'll be left hung out to dry. On the flip side, the cure for my impatience I think will only be found when I resolve those issues from the past and find a new freedom to hope for what is to come, whatever it may be. To say you have hope for anything is much easier said than practiced. If I really was a person of hope, the wait is simply part of the journey and part of the anticipation. Like a period of engagement, it is filled with activity and excitement for what is to come.

And so I return to square one. I may not get this job, or that guy, or this other gig. But I'm determined to hope and dream bigger, and believe that goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. Though it may take everything to reverse the cynicism bred in me from my youth, I resolve to live for today and wait in hope for tomorrow. No more waiting in vain, Bob.