Lesson 1: Don't Do That

As a female DJ, I realize some advances I receive are a-typical in context but I think in content probably not all that different. Here are two scenarios with the same lesson to single men everywhere: Don't Do That. I'll italicize particular Don't Dos and give footnotes for easy learning.

SCENARIO 1:
- (strange man makes his way to talk to me at Barcopa, standing about 6 inches from me* as he speaks) "I noticed you dancing from over there - are you really into music?"
- "Actually yes, I'm one of the DJs here."
- "Oh really? I'm here with a friend of mine from Bad Boy...I work with industry people a lot**."
- "I see. I'm sorry, did you say you're a musician?"
- "No, no... I'm from New York and I (blah blah blah not making sense - he also has more of a southern accent than NY, but whatever) but I have a lot of connections in the music industry. I actually am not much of a club person - but once in a while I like to get out, mix it up, meet some hos..." (I'm trying to take a step back to create personal space, he keeps moving in so his breath is on my damn face and now he's touching my arm for effect with the "hos" comment***)
- "huh-huh..." (that's me not really laughing and giving him my "did you just call me a ho?" look)
- "So can I have a dance?"
- "Thank you, I'm very flattered but I don't think so."
- "Can I buy you a drink?"
- "I don't drink actually...but thank you."
- "Can I just get you anything at all?"
- "You can get me a bottle of water if you want."
(after getting me a bottle of water and trying to force me to dance with him****, I politely tell him to buzz off. Good. Lord.)
* I am generally not a person with a huge need for personal space. With people I'm close with, or have known and bonded with for more than 30 minutes, I am very free. But if you are a complete stranger to me, don't be all up in my face like you're about to swallow me whole.
** As a DJ who has had to deal with a Crazy Promoter Man already, don't pull that line on me. It only serves as a red flag.
*** I'm sorry, did you just call me a ho? And do you really not know why that's not a turn-on?
**** I'm all for being pursued by a guy where it has been established that he is actually interested in me as a person. But if we are at a bar or club and you just called me a ho, so it's clear to all what is happening here, no means no. And not taking no for an answer really just hurts your cause.

Take-Aways for the dude: If you're interested in having an actual conversation with me, we could hit it off. If you're looking for a ho, we definitely won't.

SCENARIO 2 setup: I'm DJ-ing a middle of the night, prime time dancefloor set and notice a guy trying to get my attention. As a DJ, most of the time people trying to get your attention are wanting to make requests.
- "Hi, can I help you?"
- "Hi, what's your name?"
- "Um...Tina, or DJ Mixtine."
- "Hi, I'm Blah-blah-blah. Why don't you come dance with me?*"
- (silent for a moment...unsure of how to state the obvious politely, so I give up) "I'm DJ-ING right now." (hand gestures indicate this actually requires concentration and me not being on the dancefloor)
- "Well how about you take a break or something?"
- "I'm sorry, I need for you to leave me alone right now." (go back to DJ-ing, have now missed a cue and need to find a song)
- "Well how about I get you a drink? Do you want some food?"
- (annoyed, talk to the hand gesture - he finally goes away)
*I'll just make some overall commentary on what not to do. If a girl is DJ-ing, maybe you should WAIT 'TIL SHE'S DONE to try and have this conversation. And as a girl who inherited her mom's propensity to her to speak her mind that can sometimes backfire, I should have been nicer about telling the guy to buzz off. There's no need to be rude, even to the slimey.

Hopefully, this was an enlightening lesson for all. I know I learned a couple of things...