Mindy Kaling recently wrote a hilarious article for The New Yorker about her secret love for romantic comedy films, likening the genre to sci-fi in their farfetched, unrealistic depictions of falling in love. She proceeded to form a glossary of the different female archetypes found in the very limited canon of story types the genre espouses.
To piggyback on this idea, I think there are common plotlines found in the movies that are rarely to be found in real life. Here are a few that I have come to accept will never happen:
Watts vs. Amanda Jones
One of my favorite rom-coms growing up was the John Hughes classic, "Some Kind of Wonderful." I so identified with tomboy best friend, Watts, played by Mary Stuart Masterson. The movie's lesson is that despite the fact that Watts commonly gets mistaken for a boy, prides herself in not wearing a bra and starts treating her best friend Keith like dirt as a reaction against her own feelings for him, she somehow gets the boy in the end. Even after Keith has a tender moment of connecting with his longtime crush, beautiful Amanda Jones played by Leah Thompson. Not gonna happen.
The Opposite Theory
Let's go back to John Hughes, definer of my generation's teen romance flicks. The original story of "Pretty in Pink" (yes, I read the paperback novel in my obsession with this movie) has a surprisingly realistic conclusion where main character Andy Walsh, from the wrong side of town, does NOT end up with rich boy love interest Blane McDonough. He ditches her at prom for a girl more like himself with money and from the right side of the train tracks. When Andy arrives at prom, she finds her doting friend Duckie there to rescue her from humiliation and they have a blast in the face of all the rich kids judging them. However, the film version changes the very key end of the movie to bring Andy and Blane together in true Hollywood fairytale fashion. They just couldn't stomach putting the sad truth on screen, that like sticks to like and the girl with a disadvantage usually doesn't get the guy.
One Wrong Makes a Right
The plotline is simple: Unlucky-in-love girl with a heart of gold has become closed off to relationships from being hurt one too many times. And by one too many times, it usually means once in a bad way. But the truth is, a girl can go through an almost identical scenario multiple times over the course of a decade. It looks a little more like this: Closed-Off, Self-Protective Girl meets boy, girl and boy connect and become good friends, girl gets excited about finally opening her heart to someone, girl finds out boy is dating another girl.
Hollywood is bad for the heart. It creates its own laws of nature that can mislead poor suckers like myself on a lifelong process of undoing expectations. But the other thing Hollywood has wrong is its paralyzing fear of imperfection and disappointment. The movies don't tell you that the complicated girl usually doesn't get the guy, that opposites usually don't attract, or that painful scenarios can play out multiple times for no apparent reason. But the movies also don't tell you that strength and perspective often only come through great disappointment. After Conan O'Brien's dramatic departure from "The Tonight Show" and almost 2-decade relationship with NBC, he said, "There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized." But he was only able to say this in retrospect, after going through depression and the most difficult time of his professional life, a year later.
Hollywood is bad for the heart. It creates its own laws of nature that can mislead poor suckers like myself on a lifelong process of undoing expectations. But the other thing Hollywood has wrong is its paralyzing fear of imperfection and disappointment. The movies don't tell you that the complicated girl usually doesn't get the guy, that opposites usually don't attract, or that painful scenarios can play out multiple times for no apparent reason. But the movies also don't tell you that strength and perspective often only come through great disappointment. After Conan O'Brien's dramatic departure from "The Tonight Show" and almost 2-decade relationship with NBC, he said, "There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized." But he was only able to say this in retrospect, after going through depression and the most difficult time of his professional life, a year later.
As I wrestle with my own disappointment of the day, it doesn't hurt any less than it did the first time. And it's just as confusing. But I no longer wait for the Hollywood ending that I know will not come in 2 hours. Or ever. Instead, I live in the reality where things are broken-record broken, but will be redeemed. Someday, I'll have a real story full of pain and awfulness and amazing restoration, with a true happy ending. The hard part is waiting for it. By the grace of God, I'll get there.
