Tonight I had a conversation with my pastor about my dating life.
Among topics, I asked him for thoughts and advice about male vs. female initiation in dating. As usual, he gave me a well-thought out response that comes not from memorizing rules or mastering a particular argument, but from years and years of counseling couples in real life.
He challenged me to think not about the dos and don'ts, but to think about what I really want. He encouraged me to think about my top 5 deal-breakers, and think about what's actually going on in my relationships, rather than seek a formula for relationship success. When put that way, it cuts the crap and gets right to the point.
It was a helpful conversation, and by the end of it I realized he didn't necessarily tell me anything I hadn't already in some way concluded myself. But it was empowering to remember the responsibility I have in solving my own dilemma. Yet at the same time, I felt him unknowingly call my bluff. My excuses have generally been sung to the tune of, "all of the attractive, interesting guys I'm interested in will never ask me out." But what are my 5 deal-breakers?
I have to admit, I can't say that I know for sure. And I feel a bit of discomfort at the thought of figuring those out. Just a little bit.
