Frozen Hot Man

There is a breed almost every woman encounters at some point in her dating quest. He exudes a certain cool, stable masculinity and more often then not, he's also a looker. For those of you personality test lovers, he is typically a Myers-Brigg ISTJ. He is Frozen Hot Man.

Frozen Hot Man is generally very considerate and dependable. You can count on him to call when he says he will, and you can also depend on him to take care of people and things because he's not just Hot, he's also responsible. FHM is a gentleman, and doesn't generally have to be the center of attention, which makes him all the hotter.

The problem with the FHM though is that he is, in fact, Frozen. Perhaps not relationally -- he can easily engage you in conversation, and do so with a good sense of humor. But two words: emotional repression. He bottles up anger, disappointment and fear like it's vintage wine, and generally runs from conflict surrounding those topics with his ego in tact and his tail between his legs.

For some codependents, the FHM may be a step up from either the High Maintenance Man or the Woman Drug -- at least the FHM is dependable and he is refreshingly uncomplicated. But the F of FHM cannot be ignored for long. And until he can get that F off, he's better left off your list.


Cold...


...or Hot?

R.I.P.A.D.

http://www.never-nude.com/

Read it and weep, fans. Read it and weep.

Festivus For the Rest-of-Us

I have never had anything against Valentine's Day, other than the fact that it seems like the most made-up holiday we have on our calendar year. What event happened where we decided to encourage couples to spend lots of money and attention on the one day of the year?

But as a singleton, I want to know what the Valentine's Festivus is out there. And I'm definitely not talking about getting together all your girl friends for a male-bashing, "I'm a survivor too, Beyonce" night out (please, don't). But our society views singleness as a deplorable condition (a close second to age) -- or at least one to be rid of as soon as possible. Where is the day celebrating people who have kicked codependency, gotten out of an unhealthy relationship, who have been counseled or prayed out of emotionally or physically abusive patterns?

Perhaps that day, like the day for all couples to celebrate eachother, really should be a process happening everyday. Now that's one to grow on...

(For more reading on the history of V-day.)

Note to Self: Must Fall in Love

There are hot guys everywhere. There are even single hot guys to be found. But what's a gal like myself to do when she has a syndrome of falling for the wrong hot guy?

Among the top of my New Year's resolutions this year is to Fall in Love. But as I've sat on that one for the last month, it occurs to me that this is an easier thing said than done. The trouble with love is, you can't will it into existence. That was my lesson for 2003. And after 2004 as my selfish year, I'm ready to re-enter the world of theoretical-but-hopefully-actual-potential companionship. So my words to live by this year are, "WHO KNOWS." Rather than my previous mantra which was more like, "NOT HIM." Sometimes the biggest step for a singleton is just to be open to what may come her way and let the past go -- fantasies, assholes, passives and all.

So if God is the one I know him to be, I'll expect a "parade of animals" coming my way, that I suspect has already begun. Hopefully all of the close-but-not-it men will have made their way through the room and Jake Ryan will have swept me off my feet by December 31.