Facing Your Femm-esis

There comes a time when every woman must meet her femme-sis. The femme-sis is the anti-you, who has yet somehow managed to become your ex's next. She is (in your mind) the vixen who unkindly deceived your former man into thinking she was his dream come true. She has the agility and speed of a panther, the cunning of a fox, the venom of a python.

But actually meeting Ms. Thing is a different matter. And if you don't come in ready for it, it could send you into a state of confusion. But if you've done your homework and worked through your issues first -- while confrontation is an inevitable part of the healing process, it musn't be rushed -- and you're good and ready, a few things may happen.

1. Toxic Shock Syndrome - Either she really is or she really isn't as bad as she was in your dreams. Either way will come as somewhat of a shock, because in most cases, she will still not be what you expected (few humans have three heads). You will inevitably compare yourself to her, as much as you don't want to. You will try to find new reasons to hate her.

2. Rejection Relapse - Some find themselves in shorter or longer periods of this stage, whereby the differences between self and femme-sis have been documented and entered into the unanswerable rat wheel of "why her and not me." You must wrestle through all of your insecurities, competitive tendencies and general lack of reason in order to get through this one. Some skip this stage, and on the other hand some never emerge.

3. Ex-Evaluation - Because you have acquired new data, it is important -- as with all sciences -- to draw some new conclusions: A new lineup of pet peeves, a new list of "I'll never be with a man who ______" statements, and if you've been dealing with your own junk like a good woman does, a reinforced peace of mind because you've finally let go.

There's Something About Johnny

For once I'm not talking about Johnny Depp. I've found another.

I've always admired Johnny Cash from afar, knowing as much about him and his music that fellow sound-obsessed friend Tmas would naturally effuse whenever given the opportunity. I just knew he was a troubled soul, and when all is said and done, one bad M.F. (Not bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good.)

Then I saw Walk the Line, the biopic I just pre-raved about in previous Sexiest Man Alive post below. I should clarify that when I say "Johnny," in this particular case it's the embodiment of two hot men, Johnny-plus-Joaquin. No disrespect to either Joaquin or the Man in Black himself, but it's the meeting of the hot with the cool that made for one mesmerizing man. I never thought Joaquin would achieve the status of late brother River in my mind and heart, but this was the role that pushed him over the line for me. Maybe it was the acting, maybe it was the vulnerability in wild outlaw turned church boy, maybe it was those songs -- "steady like a train, sharp like a razor" -- whatever it was, I'm wearing black today.


Men in Black

Sexiest Man Alive, Schmexiest Schman Aschlive

People has just named smarmy badboy Matthew McConaughey as 2005 Sexiest Man Alive. Let's have a moment of silence.

In a year where sexiest boy next door Jake Gyllenhaal came out (no pun intended) with a double feature season, sexiest man on Broadway Taye Diggs reprised his role in Rent, the movie, sexiest rapper/producer Kanye West released his sophomore album with close a million sold in the first week, and sexiest biopic actor Joaquin Phoenix played coolest dead country singer Johnny Cash -- I'm sorry, but no.

It should also be noted that Tom Cruise, a former SMA winner, did not appear at all on this year's list. Gee.


Boyish.
Debonair.
Cool.
Uh...no.